Class of 2000 friends experience Brazil's carnaval together.

2000

In the course of every top-rated show, there comes a time when the writing team just, well, runs out of ideas. Consequently, the viewers are forced to watch "flashback" shows and swallow malarkey about characters dreaming whole seasons and witness mean lawyers fall down elevator shafts. Moreover, people will only watch the lead love interests chase each other around the desk for so long before they start to get bored. (They will also revolt if the writers try to sub-in Booger and that rhyming lady to solve mysteries while the two stars are in contract disputes ... but I digress).

Anyway, just like tired writers do, I took a hiatus to retool the column and I think you are all going to be very pleased with the results. It is a column filled with international intrigue, gratuitous car chases, bodice-ripping romance, heart-warming baby delivery stories and a "wardrobe malfunction." I have written certain tired characters out of the column, as well as introduced a few new ones, including a tall, brooding antihero and a buxom new villainess. I have also attempted to elevate the dramatic appeal by liberally using the word "mysterious." And, of course, somebody is going to get amnesia.

	Vivian Young '00 and family, including new daughter Julia Grace
	New Class of 2000 parents Emily (Gellady) and John Rakowski with Elijah
	Stuart and Eve Watson '00 and sons

So when we last left the column, Dave Peacock was a guy living in Australia working for Bain. Mysteriously, he turned up in a hospital outside of Philadelphia. "Where am I? Wait ... Who am I?" he asked the buxom nurse. "You are in suburban Philly," she said mysteriously. "How can that be?" he cried. "I don't remember moving here. Hey, why am I in a hospital?" The nurse looked at him and said, "Well, Mr. Peacock, it's the strangest thing, but you are, well, pregnant." [Fade to opening credits]

(Before I get a bunch of irate email from people telling me how unfair it is that I printed Dave's pregnancy and not yours, let me just explain that it is, you know, not physically possible for a man to get pregnant, which kind of indicates that the tale is, you know, made up to move my story along.)

Back at the hospital, Dr. Tal Darkin-Hanson entered the baby ward. He strode around the nursery admiring all of the babies. Presently, a buxom nurse handed him a list of the babies. "What's this?" he asked. "It's a list of babies, doctor." Dr. Darkin-Hanson frowned, and said, "So it is." He looked at the list:

Jan. 15, 2003 — (adopted Sept. 15, 2004) Devlin YunNi to Bill and Chris Guthrie  *  Oct. 13, 2003 — David Thomas to Janel and Glen Hastings  *  Oct. 21, 2003 — Brennan Michele to Chris and Kate (Cooney) Burke  *  Nov. 27, 2003 — baby boy to Elena Frishberg  *  Dec. 18, 2003 — Katherine Mary to Kendra (Stearns) and Tim Drozd  *  Dec. 29, 2003 — Graham Andrews to Missy (McCready) and Matt McGinnes  *  January 2004 — Carlos to Rocio and Ivan Espinosa  *  Feb. 5, 2004 — Leo Emmerson to Katrina (Emmerson) and Jeremy Kugel  *  Feb. 13, 2004 — Caroline McAlister to Kristin (Stewart) and Andy Lesher  *  March 18, 2004 — Courtney Jane to Allison and Bill Schumacher  *  March 20, 2004 — Cassielle Helena to Rebecca Sweda  *  April 4, 2004 — Zoe Isabella to Erika (Hanley) and Matt Onken  *  April 30, 2004 — Robert James to Danielle and Bob Dold  *  May 27 — Max to Ricardo and Lara (Hood) Balazs  *  May 30 — Ethan Stuart to Stuart and Eve Watson  *  June 20 — Caroline Elizabeth to Melisa and Matt Prevost  *  July 9 — Lindsay Frances to Beth (Palmer) and Josh Gellert  *  July 23 — Riley Elizabeth to Colleen (Linehan) and Pat Haskell  *  Aug. 18 — Julia Grace to Vivian Young  *  Aug. 30 —Elijah Lucas Rakowski to Emily (Gellady) and John Rakowski  *  Sept. 9 — Karina Joy Jedrzejek to Natascha and Eric Jedrzejek  *  Sept. 9 — Seona Maskara to Alok Maskara  *  Sept. 5 — Georgia Gund to Lindsey and Zack Gund  *  Sept. 21 — Margaux Jean to Melinda and Stacey Lawrence  *  Sept. 27 — Lucy Bruechert to Todd Bruechert '96 and Mary Van Geffen  *  Sept. 27 — Noa Taylor Goldstein to Jon and Lauren Goldstein  *  Oct. 5 — Angus "Gus" Kims Collins to Rob and Mary Collins  *  Oct. 23 — Vidur Khosla to Deepshikha and Amit Khosla  *  Nov. 14 — Rachel Frances Koopersmith to Ellie and Adam Koopersmith  *  Dec. 7 — Molly Kathryn Malin to Tiffany and Chris Malin  *  Dec. 2 — Sadie Olivia Solomon to Gretchen '99 and Peter Solomon  *  Feb. 4 — Bradley Shaw Calkins to Meredith and Buzz Calkins

Kellogg School friends from near and far celebrated the wedding of Homero Gonzalez '00.

He gasped as he looked at the list and then at the babies. Somebody had gone and swapped the hats of all the babies — pink hats on boys, blue hats on girls — creating a whole big mess of hat shenanigans. "Nurse, get in here, STAT! We must find a way to resolve this hat shenanigan immediately!"

Later, in the hospital administrator's office, Peter Solomon was furiously pacing and yelling, "You know it's bad enough that Gretchen and I have to figure out how we will continue our reputation as the uber-hip city couple, but now we have to figure out the gender of our child without the benefit of a hat! I am outraged at the incompetence!" Gretchen nodded and added, "You know, we named the baby Sadie Olivia Solomon, but what with a blue hat, we will now have to rethink that ... And what are we going to do about all the monogrammed diapers?"

Later, in an unidentified airport, a buxom new villainess, clad in a short skirt and smoking a long, thin cigarette, cleared customs. The customs agent was so befuddled by her buxomness that he didn't notice her suitcase filled with plush donkeys.

Somewhere in Colorado, the irony slowly dawned on new dad Buzz Calkins that he will be spending the next 18 years of his life fending off boys in fast cars.

	Eric Jedrzejek '00 with daughter Karina
	Rob and Mary Collins '00 are now parents to Angus "Gus" Kim and Emma.
	Christine Guthrie's '00 family now includes Devlin YuNi.
	Beth (Palmer) Gellert '00 with new arrival Lindsay

Somewhere in Italy, a mysterious redhead woman was traipsing about the countryside when she encountered a dashing American who introduced himself as Todd Bruechert '96. "Why, helloooo," cooed the mysterious redhead. "My name is Mary Van Geffen." And with that, a bunch of bodice-ripping, long-distance love-letter writing and globe-chasing ensued. After a dreadful interlude involving a case of mistaken identity, French jewel thieves and requisite car chase through a small Spanish village, Mary and Todd married in Florence, Italy, in 2003. And although they live in the L.A. area now, the bodice-ripping apparently continues, as evidenced by the fact that they have a new baby.

Later, in North Carolina, Andy Lesher sits working in the new business development group at Lowe's. He's really happy there and Kristin (Stewart) Lesher has observed a huge surge in the number of home improvements Andy seems to be taking on. However, they have noticed that dozens of other husbands have been forbidden from fraternizing with Andy because of the disastrous impact that a misplaced "Dude, you can totally do it yourself" will have on their respective wives' beautiful new homes.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Sarah (Hadl) and Matt Langdon had a baby girl but forgot to send me details, so I'll have to develop that story line later.

Fade to an uber-chic loft in Madrid ... Rocio and Ivan Espinosa de los Monteros are teaching their daughter Claudia, who is now 2, some English at home. She has mastered some basic phrases like "return on net assets" and "capital asset pricing model," but she can only seem to name four of Porter's Five Forces. (Before you scoff at that, don't make me point out that that is three more than YOU can remember.) Ivan also had a good year for his real estate business (monasterioasociados.com), where they design and market lofts, homes and offices. El Sibarita (elsibarita.com), their food and catering venture, has started doing larger events such as weddings. And finally, Ivan put together a $15 million fund that they hope to use to launch larger funds targeting Poland and other Eastern European real estate markets.

Fade to a lovely home somewhere in Minnesota ... A man in a cow suit is arguing with his wife about the appropriateness of dressing their son in a tiny cow suit for his christening. "But Katrina, honey, we are Cash Cows. How can our son not be a cash cow too?" "Jeremy, I didn't say anything about the octopus mobile from your pal in New York, but I am putting my foot down on this one." They decide to compromise and Leo makes it through the christening in a dignified manner — well, as dignified as a little guy wearing a Red Sox christening gown (from dad) and a cheesehead hat (from mom) can be.

Fade to an Austrian laboratory ... Natascha and Eric Jedrzejek discover a ground-breaking formula never discussed in Fin I. Solid Foods = Baby Sleeping 10hrs/night = Happy Parents. Eric comments to Natascha how this will surely help him advance through the ranks in his new job in Southern California at Baxter Healthcare as marketing and strategy manager of the contract manufacturing business.

Jeremy Kugel '00 and Katrina Emmerson Kugel '00 with son Leo and Kellogg friend Frank Ballabio '00

Fade to Chicago ... Bob Dold is waking up, gearing up for a day of paddle tennis and bug extermination. He hears a knock at the door and goes to answer it. On his doorstep is an unmarked package. "I wonder what this could be?" he says as he brings it into the family room, in plain view of Danielle, Harper and little Bobby. He gasps as he opens the package. In it lays a plush donkey. Harper and Danielle turn away in horror. Little Bobby starts to cry. On the street, a buxom villainess beats a hasty retreat.

Fade to a Parisian airport, where Melinda and Stacey Lawrence are detained by an alert customs agent who called BS on the whole "and 1/4 inch" bit on Margaux's birth certificate. "But seer, et ees ridiculo-monde for you to con-teend that your daughter ees 21 1/4 eenches long. Who can know such a thing? Thee mar-geen of error must bee at least an eench." (Writer's note: While I don't wish to make a premature judgment about this case, as it is still being investigated by an international tribunal, I, too, find it highly suspicious that Stacey and Melinda could realistically discern the difference between a baby that was 21 1/4 inches and 21 inches even. And is that with or without the hat?)

Somewhere in Boca Raton, Fla., David Greenbaum married Merrilyn Regent on Aug. 29. Class of 2000 Kellogg guests included Camie Costa, Liz Rodgers and Steve Katz. The buxom new villainess tried to get in, but some mean-looking bouncers kept her from spoiling the day in a scene that involved a lot of gratuitous groping.

	The family of Ivan Espinosa de Los Monteros '00
	Bride Camie (Costa) Donohue '00 with husband Brian
	Stacy Lawrence '00 with Margaux
	Newlyweds Tanya Dragan '00 and Constantine Voyevidka
	Rebecca Sweda '00 welcomes daughter Cassielle.

OK, so by now in the story, you are like, "Hey, where the heck is the tall, brooding antihero we were promised?" Well, I'll tell you: He's married to Liz Kaiser and his name is Tony Compaglia. However, to tell the story, we have to go to a flashback ...

Fade to a bar in Lisbon during the War, where Tony was a depressive bar owner with a penchant for white dinner jackets and unfiltered Lucky Strikes ... One hot evening Liz rolled into the bar with her classic Dior and her contraband nylons. With the help of a strategic "wardrobe malfunction," Liz managed to pull Tony out of his depressive funk. After a bunch of intrigue and whatnot, Tony put Liz on a plane for Chicago, erm no, New York, erm no, Los Angeles, erm no, San Francisco ... Well, at any rate, somebody got on a plane going somewhere and eventually they ended up in the same city on June 12, where Tony and Liz were married in the presence of a few close friends including Bob Dold and Claudia (Lewnowski) Joyce '96.

Later, they had a reception at the Kenilworth Club near Chicago, attended by numerous Kellogg alums, including me, Anthony Elarth, Emily and Andy Ford, Corey and Andy Jacobson, Sue and Steve McLaughlin, Shawn Makhijani, Erin Kenny, Cassandra Tryon, Jacquie Duncan, Matt and Missy McGinnes, Tim and Kendra Drozd, Matt Prevost, Cristina Cooper, Meredith Lincoln, Liz Oh, Laurie Iannuzzi, Catherine Cox and Cheryl Schwartz. And you gotta love a reception that starts at a swanky joint like the Kenilworth Club and ends at the Deuce, where our tall brooding antihero fit right in.

Fade to somewhere in Minneapolis. Brian Donohue and Camie Costa are settling into life after getting married Oct. 23. Kellogg alums were there in force, including Scott Pollack '96, Laura Hollister, Heather (Abel) Walch and Max Walch '01, Catherine Cox, Peter Kjome, and David Greenbaum and Andrew Welch. Although the wedding went off without incident, Brian and Camie found themselves at the center of mysterious mystery on their honeymoon in Hawaii — it seems that their luggage was mixed up with that of some French jewel thieves and wackiness and hi-jinks ensued as they worked to solve the case that the bumbling local police just couldn't solve. And although Camie continues to work as marketing manager at General Mills and Brian is a portfolio manager for a private wealth management firm, they will also be moonlighting as partners in the Donohue Detective Agency.

Somewhere in Buenos Aires on March 13, 2004, Nicola Riva got married to an Argentine goddess named Laura Zapata. The wedding took place in the Puerto Madero Yacht Club and was attended by Andres Franco, Carolina Castillo, Gaston Mooney, Fernando Marin, Otavio Cury, Oscar Rodriguez, Jose Luis Villanueva and Javi Carballo. They are now living in Lima, Peru.

Meanwhile in Monterrey, Mexico, Homero Gonzales got married to Alejandra Fernandez on June 26. Everyone had a great time, including Erick Baca, Eric Goldberg, Betsy Goldberg (Medill '99), Deborah Valella '99, Ben Costa '01, Francisco Aguilera and Maguid Velez (McCormick '00). Homero and Alejandra took what they referred to as "the NAFTA honeymoon," visiting Cancun, NYC and Quebec. Alejandra (who is a chef) had never been to NYC, so they had a blast eating fantastic food all over the city. They are now back in Monterrey, where Homero is staying in CEMEX's M&A area and is working hard to organize a Kellogg Alumni Club of Monterrey chapter!

Fade to a mysterious town in the Catskill mountains of upstate New York ... It's July 31 and Tanya Dragan is marrying Constantine Voyevidka. Kellogg attendees include Kate Downes, Justine Dube, Matt Donnelley, Sarah Ortman and Sue Sweet. The three-day Ukrainian affair is the best of their lives, and they are overjoyed at the opportunity to bring together friends from every part of their lives. They honeymoon in the Seychelles and Paris, and now live in Reno. Tanya works for Sun Microsystems and they're working their way through every trail and ski slope in the eastern Sierras.

Fade to Chicago ... Hosts Danielle and Bob Dold threw a mysterious dinner party attended by Megan (Campbell) Officer, Jeff Bennett and me. During dessert somebody asked, "Hey, what the heck ever happened to Ted Kasten? Hasn't he been a column 'regular' for the last five years?" "Yeah, well," I respond, "His contract was too darn expensive so he is going to be abducted by aliens."

Fade to a spaceship somewhere over Roswell, N.M. Ted Kasten is seen following a buxom alien into a spaceship. Fade to black.

Back in North Carolina, after being named one of the Triangle Business Journal's "40 Under 40" for 2004, awarded to the most entrepreneurial and active young "people to know," Erika (Hanley) Onken was hired by Intrasphere Technologies, a NYC-based life sciences strategy and technology consulting company. She is now helping lead its medical device industry strategy and working on several projects with global clients. In mid-December Erika and family moved to their first house — in Cary, N.C.

Fade to Paris ... Stacey Lawrence decided to take on the role of VP of a startup in the commercial printing industry. The company, Focal Impact Marketing Partners, focuses on print production management.

Fade to Idaho ... Jennie Tsai finished the Ironman Coeur d'Alene in June and then went home and hired one hell of a photographer for her wedding! (rosalindweddings.com)

Meanwhile, somewhere in Northern Virginia, Chris Malin was lamenting his inability to replicate the fame he enjoyed as Forbidden Donut's rhythm guitarist, but found some comfort in the fact that at least people don't refer to him as "that guy who isn't Matt Fortuin" anymore. Chris left Apple last spring and relocated to Northern Virginia, where Donut alums Jimmy Dougan and Doug Beekman also live. Chris is in business development at AOL, trying to bring some of the magic that his team generated at Apple. Also at AOL are Jeff Patton, Wendy (Stanton) Connell and April Taylor.

Fade to Los Angeles ... Stephanie Aten is enjoying her 15-minute commute to her job at DaVita as the director of marketing and sales.

Fade to a glamour Hollywood party... Siri Eklund is being photographed for Ad Age with Keifer Sutherland. She is also rubbing elbows with skiing celebrities and taking care of her freeloading friends (like me!) at Grand Marnier promotional events around the country. Check out grandmarnierski.com for more info on the Mogul Maragarita.

Fade to San Francisco ... After a year teaching algebra and AP calculus at an urban public high school, Ky Vu joined a program called the Broad Residency in Urban Public Education, which places MBAs and JDs in management-level positions within large school districts around the country. Ky has been working as a special assistant to the superintendent of San Francisco Unified School District, doing policy and planning for its 57,000 students. Darryl Cobb is also a member of his cohort. Darryl works for KIPP Schools (a national nonprofit charter school organization).

Fade to an ice rink in Salt Lake City... Roland Jarquio, in his eternal quest to fit the stereotype (his words, not mine), found the time to pursue one more hobby: figure skating. He progressed really quickly and decided to attend adult figure-skating camp in Salt Lake City. He was later invited to become a charter member of the only all-male synchronized skating team in the country. (This is no joke.) In Buffalo this year they cinched the silver medal at the Eastern Championships. The buxom new villainess tried to foil the contest, but, fortunately, her buxomness wasn't much use in this situation. Also, Roland left consulting, moving to a position as corporate branding manager at GE Consumer Finance.

Fade to New Jersey... Justine Dube and her boyfriend are buying a house so that they can continue the bodice-ripping in a tax-deductible venue. Justine moved into the pharm sector at J&J, overseeing the global commercialization of a new urology drug.

Fade to New York City... Mike Riskind was wooed away from UBS Investment Bank to manage the New York institutional equity sales desk for KeyBanc Capital Markets. He was able to entice classmate Eric Dahlberg to leave Goldman Sachs and take over as the manager of the Chicago desk for the same.

Fade to the high seas ... Judy Lin boarded a French sailboat in Antigua and sailed more than 10,000 miles over 14 months. She and her various boatmates cruised from the Caribbean islands through the Panama Canal to the Galapagos Islands. From there, they crossed 3,000 miles of the Pacific Ocean to the Marquesas in French Polynesia in 19 days. They sailed to Rangiroa and Tahiti and then got stuck in Moorea for two months (where Ky Vu came to visit!) In a more idyllic South Pacific paradise, they hit Bora Bora, the tiny island of Suwarrow, Samoa, Wallis, Fiji and finally, New Caledonia for the grand finale. It is rumored that bodice-ripping on the high seas started somewhere near Bora Bora ...

Later, in Redmond, Wash., Andy Kelly joined a new startup within Microsoft called the IP ventures and licensing group, a five-person team focused on taking unutilized Microsoft technologies and licensing or spinning them out. He's on a great team (headed by David Harnett '99) and loves the work. He also visited Buzz Calkins for some skiing in Vail and went to Myanmar for vacation.

Later, some Kellogg guys, including Anthony Humphrey, Ken Merritt and Shawn Cole '01 got together at the Tampa Bay versus Atlanta football game in November. Word is there were so many buxom women on the scene that it was hard to say for certain whether our buxom new villainess was in attendance or not. In what could possibly be the most unbelievable plot twist so far, Anthony claims that the team carried THEM off the field after the victory.

Fade to Brazil ... Burton Roberts, bored with his L.A. lifestyle of hangin' with Hef and various buxom Hollywood starlets who chase after former reality television stars, arrived to meet up with Jose Luis Villanueva, Tony DeFranceschi and Dale Buxton to experience Carnaval. The other guys had been before, but this was Burton's first time (insert obvious joke here). They de-virginized him by taking him to street parties each day in which much wackiness, drinking, dancing and bodice-ripping ensued.

Fade to Houston ... Martin A. Rubinstein left the corporate world of electric utilities to become group director at one of America's largest Hispanic advertising agencies, Lopez Negrete Communications. He replaced another 2000 grad, Pablo Gonzalez Beramendi, who wanted to return to Argentina.

Fade to Atlanta ... Sylvan and Laurie Burkland Waller are happy to welcome Freeman Hall and Adam Koontz back to Atlanta and spend time with Melisa and Matt Prevost too. Laurie joined Collaborative Consulting as a director leading an organizational change management consulting practice and is also playing a leadership role building and managing the Atlanta office.

Meanwhile, somewhere in the OC ... Dan Schumann, a mere shell of his former MMM/Harvard button-down self, is barely recognizable with the surfer hair and the hottie girlfriend who never would have dated him back at Kellogg ("She would have been engaged to Larry Rubin or some other Kellogg hunk," Dan says). Dan started a medical device company with some partners in "The OC" (For right now I am going to ignore the fabulous opportunity for a cross-over episode featuring Dan, his MediPhysics cronies and Mischa Barton). Anyway, one day, as Dan is staring pensively out the window, thinking about the new medical device that treats pain in a non-invasive fashion, Dan's buxom assistant enters and says, "Mr. Schumann, now that we're in the process of raising our second round of capital through a private equity placement, where will we find additional investors?" Dan frowns and says, "Yes, where indeed?"

Fade to Chicago, where Corey (Hollaran) and Andy Jacobson arrive to much fanfare ... Andy starts his job at cars.com as the director of marketing. On his first day he is told that there haven't been nearly enough car chases in the Chicago market and that his first order of business will be to orchestrate a flashy one that involves Lake Shore Drive, several sidewalks on Michigan Avenue and a tall, dreamy hero and his wiseacre buddy. Or a buxom love interest. Oh, and, his boss says, also make sure that cars.com maintains its reputation as the best place online to sell, research or buy a car.

Fade to a Vegas Hotel. A tall brooding Ole Obermann makes his way across the casino where he meets up with Bill Dauphinais' bachelor party, including Javi Carballo, Will Stokes and Pete Day. A parade of buxom women enter the hotel, but unfortunately we have to fade quickly out of this scene, since we are on network, not HBO.

Fade to a lovely office in Washington, D.C., where an über-talented Tanya Smith sits working away at her new job as senior consultant for Community Wealth Venture, helping nonprofit organizations become more self-sustaining through business ventures and corporate partnerships. She is doing much better after a car accident in April 2004 ... on her way to a full recovery. She is thankful for all the cards, email, well-wishes and prayers that she has received from folks in the Kellogg community.

Fade to somewhere in Athens where Interpol got a hot tip that the buxom new villainess was spotted leaving a place known as the "Shag-pad." Pad owner Manthos Kallios denies any knowledge of such a visitor. "Anyway," he said, "Even if she might have been here, gender-appropriate sleeping arrangements are available for guests." Which left Interpol scratching their heads wondering what the heck that means.

Fade to India. Screaming throngs of fans have assembled to see the farewell show of Bollywood sensation Mihir Mankad. His meteoric ascent to stardom, after spending two years at a San Francisco nonprofit, including acting, modeling and teaching Latin dance classes. He also learned Bollywood dancing. Fans were devastated to learn that he would be retiring from show business to go back to consulting. (He started with Mc-Kinsey Mumbai in February.) Mihir was also admitted to the Harvard Kennedy School's Mason Fellows Program in Public Policy (MPA degree) on deferral.

(Oh no! There is only one paragraph left and she hasn't wrapped up so many looming questions...) Fade to somewhere in a frozen hell ... Geoff Mattson is getting married. (This alone should send my ratings through the roof ...) The wedding is going great, lots of Kellogg folks, yada, yada, yada. All appears to be fine until, just as the happy couple is about to say their "I do's," the buxom new villainess shows up and claims to have paperwork proving that her quickie Mexican divorce from Mattson was never notarized and that they have a grown son named (wait for it ...) Joe Taylor. (Audible gasps heard. Fade to black.)